IS IT I, LORD?

Matthew 26v20-22

When it was evening, he reclined at table with the twelve. And as they were eating, he said, "Truly, I say to you, one of you will betray me." And they were very sorrowful and began to say to him one after another, "Is it I, Lord?"

When Omniscience speaks, we must listen! We must respond appropriately and still look to the Holy and Righteous One. But we human beings often forget and quickly so, what we are in our natural (fallen) selves that we are sinners, betrayers of the Lord and of one another at our best! We are fleeting shadows in the economy of God’s creation. Honestly, how do you pose such a question to THE GREAT I AM as though you doubt Him? I see such questioning of the Omniscient and all-seeing Almighty God by awe-bereft creatures of the dust as perplexing and almost sacrilege (when you look at Simon Peter’s confession and Jesus’ response in Matthew 16v13-17; Mark 8v29; John 6v68; Luke 9v20-22). I do not disparage the disciples at all. But how could John or Peter for instance simply not cry if he really distrusted himself, for the Lord to prevent the betraying, knowing the seriousness of the matter? Check Matthew 14v28-30.

Admittedly, this was agonizing effort and child-like inquisition that sought clearance but perhaps momentarily overlooked or forgot Jesus’ divine side. It was before their vivification and better comprehension of the truth. And yet the Lord was and is magnanimous, not taking it for offence. He had the actualisation and pinnacle of the betrayal – the cross – to face. Glory also awaited him. Jesus did not ignore the question, neither should we. In fact, you and I should take it very personal for all probability of sinning and take caring/guarding action prayerfully! How often we betray the Lord and one another!

Even though it was by divine appointment and a covenantal fulfillment, it was certain that one of them would do something so terrible that Jesus had to tell the stark truth. Could you or I do something sinful, thus betray the Lord? Not that we want to, though there are some whose glory it is to even shamelessly pursue sin. “Is it I, Lord?” Yes, you are bloody right! Did the disciples, and indeed do we, not know the possessed capability to sin against (or be it betray/deny) the Lord if it were not for his restraining grace? Did they not know the truth about their hearts and reality of sin? Jeremiah 17v9-10; 1 John 1v8. Even if that capability was nearly zero, I think that an agonizingly bold but humble request to be kept from doing it could have been more appropriate than that question. I can imagine someone forcefully saying, “Oh … I know my daring resolve against sin!”; “I am principled”; “I don’t want to sin against my Lord or displease him in any way”. That may be your frank and intuitive self-assessment or resolve but it could be incongruent with a truly humble self-doubt.

We do not know the combined power of sin within adding to the strength and subtlety of the enemy without. Our duty and part of safeguard is to appeal to the one who knows us and all things fully for the stay of evil; for God not to leave us to ourselves, lest we sin and grieve him with full knowledge of our capability and mere self-distrust. What is your response when God says that you are “a sinner” or “an unprofitable servant,” or that you are “not doing as well as you should”? Do you answer with disguised and quizzical ignorance, “Surely not I, Lord?” Or you answer with the recognition of an inglorious mortal that you really are? Remember what you are. Prone to self-confidence and an ingrained habit of seeking clearance, instead of seeking energising and uplifting grace which some only receive when they are already enfeebled and squirming in sackcloth and ashes!

That question the apostles asked portrayed veiled spiritual eyesight. They did not fully understand and see what and the way Jesus was seeing. Read about Simon Peter a while later after Gethsemane; see the whole band “fall away” or run after Jesus’ arrest and they fearfully hide when he died. What was happening? Would you be in the same situation of veiled spiritual sight at the moment and questioning God? Anyway, the apostles were just as human as we are. Interestingly, and surprising enough, Jesus answered by not revealing the culprit but implied that each of them could perform the despicable act; notwithstanding the fact that He knew who it was! Oh that we might always ask for clear spiritual sight to see God’s will and beg His keeping; plead for the Holy Spirit’s illumination, vifification and sanctification, and for the Lord to abide with us! Henry F Lyte (1793-18470) got it right in penning down these words:

I need Thy presence every passing hour:

What but Thy grace can foil the tempter’s power?

Who like Thyself my guide and stay can be?

Through cloud and sunshine, O abide with me!

Now, the Lord’s answer should have made Judas (and the others also) to pause and deeply reflect and do all or any or much of what I have mentioned above (Matthew 7v7; Luke 18v1; 1Thessalonians 5v17; James 4v6; 1Peter 5v5). But Judas’ eyes were more than veiled; he was spiritually blind, his heart really callous and of stone! It seems he was a man of shameless intrigue! He had his own bad habits and he was also incited by Satan. What bad habits do you have that Satan has got or may invariably have a foothold and make use of?  “Is it I, Lord?” so we should personally inquire and truly labour at fruitful self-examination. However, “the Lord knows those who are his.” The context also reveals the doctrine of God’s sovereignty and human responsibility. We are personally held responsible in any circumstance. That’s why the disciples’ question is cardinal. They were each, individually, concerned and sorrowful. It was hypocritical for Judas to ask as he had it in his heart to betray the Lord Jesus. It is also clear from here that it is best we pray more, be it with tears, and ask or wonder less. The disciples did their part personally. Picture Peter now asking the question, “Is it I, Lord, you are sending to minister to the Jews?” Yes! Look at his attitude now when asked about loving the Lord John 21v15-17, acknowledging that the Lord knows everything!

I now leave you with Charles Spurgeon’s counsel in relation to the foregoing: ‘We are very apt to regard the apostolic saints as if they were “saints” in a more especial manner than the other children of God. All are “saints” whom God has called by His grace, and sanctified by His Spirit; but we are apt to look upon the apostles as extraordinary beings, scarcely subject to the same weaknesses and temptations as ourselves. Yet in so doing we are forgetful of this truth, that the nearer a man lives to God the more intensely has he to mourn over his own evil heart; and the more his Master honours him in his service, the more also doth the evil of the flesh vex and tease him day by day. The fact is, if we had seen the apostle Paul, we should have thought him remarkably like the rest of the chosen family: and if we had talked with him, we should have said, “We find that his experience and ours are much the same. He is more faithful, more holy, and more deeply taught than we are, but he has the self-same trials to endure. Nay, in some respects he is more sorely tried than ourselves.” Do not, then, look upon the ancient saints as being exempt either from infirmities or sins; and do not regard them with that mystic reverence which will almost make us idolaters.’ Soli Deo gloria!